The great Alfred Hitchcock famously illustrated his tension-building expertise with a short aphorism: “There’s two people having breakfast, and there’s a bomb under the table. If it explodes, that’s a surprise. But if it doesn’t…”

Woody Allen could’ve taken a page from Hitchcock with his latest film, the third and final installment of his ‘blue-blooded Britain’ triptych, Cassandra’s Dream; a terribly predictable affair paralleling his previous flirtation with parvenudom, Match Point.

Framed like Vittorio De Sica’s neorealist masterpiece Shoeshine, Ian (Ewan McGregor) and Terry (Colin Farrell) are two small time Cockney lads with disparate hustles: Ian is a pseudo-playboy with delusions of grandeur - that come in the form of a hotel investment scheme - who borrows classic cars from his brother to woo women, while Terry is a mechanic with a gambling addiction.

Following a good day at the dog track, the two pool their finances together and purchase the titular vessel Cassandra’s Dream, thus realizing their childhood aspiration.

When Ian spots sexy actress Angela Stark (Hayley Atwell) stranded by the side of the road one day, things turn sour. Terry loses £90,000 in a card game, and the opportunistic Angela tempts Ian to pursue his dream of becoming an L.A. hotel magnate, but this requires proper funding. Mr. Allen has once again posited an opportunistic –and busty - actress as femme fatale (see: Match Point).

With nowhere else to turn, the brothers ask their rich Uncle Howard (Tom Wilkinson), who’s been supporting their family for years, for a handout, but he has a different favor in mind. Howard himself is in a bit of a business bind with his finances under investigation, and requests that the two brothers dispose of the witness for the prosecution, unruly ex-business associate Martin Burns (Philip Davis). If they do so, all their financial woes will be taken care of. The two reluctantly agree, but soon Terry is consumed with guilt by the brother’s actions, and Ian becomes suspicious of Terry’s fragile condition.

As with Match Point, this is a glorified morality play, albeit with less poetic symbolism, shakier performances, predictable plot, and constricting dialogue. And for someone who’s undergone 30+ years of psychoanalysis, Mr. Allen still hasn’t figured out how to capture a guilty conscience, as Colin Farrell’s Terry is left grimacing and looking constipated, instead of portraying abject surrender and paranoia like Dostoevsky’s Raskolnikov.

Plus, the film is loaded with silly moments. When Uncle Howard delivers the indecent proposal to his nephews, it starts storming (one of many ill omens, e.g. the film’s title), and when the brothers plot the murder, they inexplicably do so in public venues like pubs or parties. The dialogue is so overbearing that even the ever-reliable Tom Wilkinson, coming off of an Oscar-worthy performance in Michael Clayton, looks completely lost here, fumbling through his lines. McGregor and Farrell’s mangled English accents don’t help matters much either.

But the main problem with Cassandra’s Dream, aside from its episodic structure, or the fact that the MacGuffin - Howard’s reason for plotting the assassination of Mr. Burns – is quite relevant to the story, is that that the brothers aren’t very likeable to begin with, so their fall from grace is devoid of the rising tension that would follow relatable characters.

Newcomer Hayley Atwell, as the sultry and seductive Angela Stark, is the lone bright spot. Looking like a bustier Kate Mara (Shooter), Ms. Atwell is a convincing dame worth killing for- or sitting through this frivolous film, for that matter.